Living with a roommate, a stranger or a friend, can be daunting. From establishing boundaries, respecting privacy and cohabitating copacetically, learning to live with someone is a life skill worth developing. That's why we interviewed seven students for their advice on living with a roommate.
Here are some tips to help you with the roommate experience:
Tori recommended that you “find a roommate and friend who you’ll get along with,” which will ensure that shared hobbies or values with that person will support a smoother transition. She also mentions how “ZeeMee is a great resource because you can match based on similar interests” and generally get to know your future roommate.
Getting a headstart to knowing your roommate can help get some awkward questions like “what’s your favorite color?” out of the way. ZeeMee also has filtering features, and some describe it as a dating app for roommates because of the picture, bio, fun facts, and roommate preference options.
Ben lived in the Miller Residence Hall on campus with his roommate. His advice was that you shouldn’t “be afraid to speak up about any issues you come across; this can help loosen any unspoken tension. Boundaries can really determine how your school year will go and should be employed for the best roommate experience.”
Communicating effectively with the person you’re living with and spending a lot of your time with is very important. This will make your transition into a new living situation easier if you are transparent through the process. Boundaries can be set when filling out the roommate agreement together, a form needed when living in the dorms.
Callie talked about the importance of " being honest with your roommates” throughout the year. Honesty not only creates an easier relationship with your roommate but also allows for situations to be dealt with in a manageable way without any unnecessary tension. Communicating with your roommate is key to a healthy and safe relationship.
It can be easy to argue with a roommate when there isn’t an expectation of honesty. In situations where a roommate is dishonest about how they are taking care of your common living space, or where they are and where they’re going, it can cause tension and mistrust. Honesty is crucial for not only common courtesy, but also safety.
Tony said, “the most important thing is having common sense– don’t take things without asking, keep all your stuff to your side of the room, etc.”. Being courteous about “having people over [or] noise levels” is a general necessity that you need to check with your roommate beforehand to make sure they are comfortable.
It may seem straightforward, but sometimes, it’s easy to forget the basics of respecting space and another person's objects. Starting with these simple reminders of going back to the common basics for getting along with someone can be a great place to start your relationship. These common courtesies provide easy ways to start communication with your roommate.
Selah stated that her first piece of advice is “to not be scared to start the conversation” with your roommate. Whether it’s when you’re “getting to know a new roommate and everything is a bit awkward or a few months in … talking to one another in a patient and respectful way is absolutely vital for a positive roommate experience”.
Even acknowledging the potential awkwardness between your roommate, who you barely know, is a great way to start a conversation. Starting is always the hardest part, but once that communication has been opened, it will get easier, and you can begin your roommate relationship with a respectful and patient start.
Ainsley lived in the Knowles residence hall his freshman year. One piece of advice he gave was to “give yourselves time to settle in and adjust to each other as opposed to judging them right away if you’re strangers”. He described how “even if you don’t have a lot in common you still have the ability to be great roommates”.
It can be easy to walk in on move-in day and have doubts about your roommate. However, if you’re welcoming and let yourself learn more about your roommate, you will likely make a new friend. Being willing to let your guard down is very important in order to create a healthy relationship with them.
Ella said “something I valued was meeting up with my roommate once a week outside of the room for a meal or activity” so she could spend time with her roommate while also having some separation. She continues: “I think we both valued doing our own thing but staying in touch and our weekly tradition helped [maintain a friendly relationship]”.
It’s important to have space from your roommate just as much as it is to spend time with them. Having an equal balance between your roommate and other friends will make living with your roommate more manageable. This mutual space should be beneficial to both of you and can’t hurt if it’s done in a respectful and understanding way.
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